she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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