Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
