What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
