Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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