and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
