I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
