She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
