My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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