why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
