Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
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Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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