I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
