I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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