college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
