Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize
