You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
