Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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