Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
