Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
