Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Randomize