My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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