I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
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He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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