Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
