headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
