dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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