hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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