Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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