how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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