My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
