I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm both gender and math confused
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
