If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
