so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
