It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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