uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just pee around me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
