farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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