Sry I called you an 8
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize