The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
