it was like eating out sand paper
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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