my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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