Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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