I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
