True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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