What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
