Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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