I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
