Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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