she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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