smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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