I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
