chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
