Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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