i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I deserve this hangover.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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