Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
