What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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