Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
