I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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