She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
