Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
