we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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