My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
