How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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