Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
