I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It was confusing and full of hummus
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie