You're so nebulous sometimes
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often