i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just made my gag reflex go away.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts