I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades