he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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