Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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