your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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