I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
