All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
