Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
