Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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