No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
