If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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