I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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