I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
