I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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