I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
