he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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